It's a coffee coloured world

September 1, 2011

random thoughts

Filed under: Uncategorized — coffeegirl88 @ 3:10 pm

I’ve been doing a little pre-Fall cleaning around my home and I pulled some old hardbound journals out from where they’d been hiding.  At least 2 of them were my attempts to kept a book review journal.  This was before I found out about Goodreads.  I barely reviewed a couple of books then I just wrote the title and author’s name on a page and moved on.  So those journals are in the trash.   I pull a couple of personal journals out as well.  One of them has been transcribed on the computer, I don’t know how I did it.  I looked through a couple of those pages and I ache for the woman I was then.  Angry and full of pain.  I know that most, if not all, of the spiral bound journals I have are full of the same.  I really wondering if it’s worth keeping them.  Yeah, I know I’ve been here before and well obviously I choose to just tuck them away to deal with another day.  I might do the same again, but I don’t know.

I’ve been going through a phase of trying to reduce my footprint around here.  I have stuff that I keep for reasons I cannot easily remember.  Like the stack of books I put in the donation box this afternoon.  I read 3 books from that stack and each one was more frustrating than the last.  I went through a phase where I bought books strictly because they were from the Harlequin Blaze line, especially at the used book sale at the library that’s all I bought.  For at least 3 years.  So my paperback book stack now is 24 books high.  I have some keepers, books that aren’t available electronically.  If they are ever made as e-books then out the physical books will go.

I wonder a little what has brought this on.  I’m feeling very determined to let go of stuff lately.  Maybe it’s leftover from last year?  I never really had the energy, emotionally, to do any of this.  I kept losing family last year, I had trouble coming up for air some days.  I just have to check myself and make sure I’m not toss things just to toss them.  I’ve done that then wished I’d had them back.  I know I’ve bought a couple of craft books twice because I’ve donated them only to want/need them again.

So does anyone else do this?  Get in a mood in the Spring and/or Fall to clean up the space around them?

Oh but this hasn’t pushed me to put those 60 pages of handwritten story on the computer yet.  I actually considered laundry over that today.  Maybe later.  Maybe.



  1. I get that urge. Lately I’ve had the urge to go through my belongings and reduce my own footprint, but I haven’t had the time or physical energy to match that urge. I have a feeling, though, that when the weather cools down I’ll find some energy for it.

    Comment by Jean — September 1, 2011 @ 6:29 pm

  2. Hopefully I’m not too late with this comment, but I think I remember giving you this advise before: PLEASE do not throw away your journals. Maybe it’s a little to soon for you to be reading through them right now, but someday it will be valuable for you to look back at that sad woman during those dark times and realize she brought you to where you are now. You have something to learn from her someday, I promise. Besides, it makes for good writing. 🙂

    Comment by Kim — September 2, 2011 @ 6:23 pm

  3. I haven’t done anything with these journals. As a matter of fact I think I tossed this idea out on this blog about 3 years ago so the journals are still very much safe. I was reading through a journal from 11 years ago and it was heartbreaking. I was seeing the signs of a relationship falling apart before it ever really started and to realize I was being lied to from the very beginning. I know what sits in those spiral bound journals. They started out as morning pages, but I never got the hang of free writing so I started keeping a journal. So much if it is from the end of my relationship with Mark. On one front it was great to vent and get that raw emotion out but . . . I know so much of this is my subbornness to put it on the computer. I just don’t want the physical journals laying around. I wonder if scanning them would help? Actually now that I think about it that’s how I put one of my large story files on disc in the first place. There was something like 200 pages of notes and partial chapters I scanned them. Oh, I think I know what my project this week will be.

    I think some of why this has hit is I know that once it starts getting cold here I’m not going to want to sort through things and certainly less like to drag books to the library or papers to recycling when it’s 10 degrees with a zero windchill and we have 2 feet of snow on the ground.

    Comment by coffeegirl88 — September 2, 2011 @ 6:47 pm

  4. I feel this all the time. I have a hard time holding on to things. But, when I am feeling a rebirth of sorts I really go to town.
    Its freeing knowing you are moving forward. Are you moving toward? Are you healing? Or are you ridding yourself of being weighed down? In any situation it is a way of healing.

    Comment by laura — September 2, 2011 @ 7:08 pm

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